So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
