so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
