I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
