Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
