So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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