i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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