So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Drunk is not a location!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
