everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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