dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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