he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
