This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
