I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
