I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
