i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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