no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
