her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Found your dick twin last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
