So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
