Can i not drive my cunt home
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
