She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
