I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
