I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
