Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,

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(231): View more from Michigan

so then she threw up in his asshole

(1-231): View more from Michigan

yep..that'll do it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

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(713): View more from Texas

We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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(785): View more from Kansas

this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

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(815): View more from Illinois

You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

(1-815): View more from Illinois

Best Friends For Life.

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(817): View more from Texas

She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...

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