the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
tell me about the eggs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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