I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
