try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
