I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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