i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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