last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
