He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
