I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
