After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
