would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
