Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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