Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
