I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
