lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
