it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
