I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
