How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
