Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
