If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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