Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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