so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
