Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
