the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
