Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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