My nipple is on Facebook.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
