I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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