is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
