You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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